I feel OK. I am awake. I drop my eye mask and give my sight a few minute to adjust, pull out my ear plugs (husband snores) and wait for the fear and anxiety to awaken too and come and say hello. They don’t. Why are they ignoring me? Come on you pair of bastards, surely today you’ll make an appearance? It’s not your day off today is it?
I look at my phone. The messages, texts, emails, GIFS and videos start to lighten up my screen. I really don’t have a large group of friends. I have close friends – people I have known over 20 years. A private person; who does enjoy spending time with others, but at my happiest at home with my husband and kids. Plus friendships exist in different ways now we have mobile phones, so I’ve always been connected to those that matter. I feel I have switched up my role as a friend in the last 12 months. I have culled people who I didn’t need, or felt did not respect and value me as I would have liked. I have reconnected to others that had slipped by the way side or that life took me in another direction from. I have made an effort to grow other relationships too and my god now I am feeling the benefits.
I cry grateful dribbly tears as I read and respond with the biggest thank you’s I can find. If any of you are reading this – please know that without the words you have have sent and the love you’ve shown me I’d have never got to day 16 of this journey. I am so grateful. I will thank you all individually. I am planning how I will do this as I type.