I am not sure I am all that good at meditating. I want to be and I do get something out of it that helps me. It has solid benefits but today when I sit – I drift – over and over again. Not going anywhere. I have the words but no feelings. I do find I feel less worried early evening – maybe because I have my family around me. Maybe because I am allowed a small glass of wine rammed with sparkling water, or maybe it’s my body’s way of giving me some mental time off? The sun is so hot. I have got myself a lock down tan, so my boobs look like headlights on full beam! Another way of them making themselves known. I DO know you are there – especially you ‘Mrs Right’. Ooh. A new name for this – Mrs Right. Its actually Mrs Right who got it F***ING WRONG,
That is what this actually is – that is what you may have too – a clump of cells who got it wrong. Put the WRONG SAT NAV IN. Just cells. Who, years ago thought WTF and got on the wrong bus. I am very keen to know why mine thought that was a good idea. I have read once you feel the lump the cancer would have been in your system from between 2-5 years. I’m 46 1/2 – so this tumor could have begun to grow when I was in my early 40’s. My God. Those early 40’s were difficult years for me and I was not coping well in general. Turning 40 was OK – I wasn’t too bad with that age thing. But what it did highlight to me was the lack of people I actually had in my life. I had a pathetic party in a pathetic village hall and my pathetic life did it’s best to show up. It goes on but I will leave it there for now.
So if stress contributes to those tiny cells feeling out of place and pathetic themselves, I get why they wanted out. I get why they wanted to make something bigger and better of themselves. The perfect storm right there. They started to huddle together to protect themselves from the torrential downpour that lasted until 2017.