Most of my thinking for my blog happens at night. I have a notepad beside my bed where I write down my thoughts, or if I think of something useful to share with you. I quickly jot it down or I know my foggy head won’t always recall it the next day. Notes on my phone act in the same way too. I think about those of you who read this. I think about how I would feel reading this blog – what would I get from reading this if it was someone else’s? I’d want encouragement and insight. I’d want to know I am not alone. I’d want to know the dark days pass and the good moments follow. I’d want to know it was OK to feel scared, anxious and lonely. I’d want to know how you coped and what tips you’d be able to share. I’d want to feel connected.
All of the above can be duplicated into my counsellor/client relationships. This is my aim. If you were my client would you like to know as your counsellor I’m going to offer you a safe space to reflect and process and be with your distress?
Validating your emotions – observing them is what we all need – cancer or not.
Now, I am not your counsellor – I must stress that here – but I am walking beside you in a different way.
Emotions are a normal and important part of our lives. Negative emotions like sadness, anger, loneliness, self criticism, fear or rejection can be difficult; even painful at times. We can feel these too strongly, too often, or we dwell on them too long.
Now unfortunately, you and I have now have a cancer ‘filter’ these flow through which in my experience means we feel these negative feelings through a different, harsher more disturbing lens.
Groundhog day: A situation in which events are or appear to be continually repeated
Is that a good description? It goes someway to describe how those 70,000 thoughts a day do feel. On repeat. Stuck on loop. It’s torture.
Right. We can’t do anything about the cells dividing and the chemo ripping them apart. But we can do something else.
We can make an intention to unveil these dark thoughts and replace them with more positive affirmations. We can take back some ownership of these thoughts and try our best (you only ever have to be ‘good enough’) to stay ‘STOP’ …. think of it as ‘thought stopping’. Use your own language and your own way of halting the thinking and stopping it fester. Re-shape your thinking and it might just give you a few moments off from groundhog day. It may be temporary – but that is fine also. Isn’t it better to reclaim a few of your moments back even if they don’t last? They have provided your heavy head with a much deserved break and that is the whole aim of this exercise. I write them down and destroy them. That might help. Journaling is powerful too. You have an intimate vehicle where you park your most private of thoughts. You will have a chance to locate themes and patterns in your thinking. Knowledge is powerful – it means you can change and challenge when you have the evidence. It is also great for re-reading and re-visiting how you have felt, and that it did pass, and you did cope. It takes practice I won’t lie. And with cancer the thoughts can be so entrenched and feel so deep you may never think it possible to break out of it’s grasp. But try. You might find it helps. This quote helped me…..
