Did you know the average adult has approximately 70,000 thoughts a day? And the vast majority of those are unhelpful and negative? In order for your brain to think, you need nerve cells that can detect information about the outside world and can transmit that information to other nerve cells. It’s the transmission of this information, the cells talking to each other, that’s forms the fundamental physical basis for how thinking works. Google it. Fascinating.
So here’s the thing. Now we’ve got cancer, how many of those thoughts come under this heading now? I can’t remember what I used to think about or even worry about before 26/05/20. This has consumed me. I wake up. Think. It’s there. I go to bed. Think. It’s there. The cells in my head are now very much focused on the cells in my breast. Talking of the cells in my breast. I have been monitoring tumour activity. As my tumour which was between 3cm – 4cm (can’t get exact readings due to cyst invasion), was living alongside a large cyst, I haven’t actually felt the cancer tumour itself. I’ve only ever seen the large dark mass on a number of ultrasound screens and mammogram images. Although how you can ‘miss’ a 4cm tumour is something I will never know or understand?? But about a week ago I had a feel. I was aghast at the reduction in its size and it’s appearance. I have small boobs. So when I lay down it protruded out of my breast – looked like the top of a lemon almost – ugly and full. I hated it. I hated seeing it glare back at me. It felt and looked rancid.
The lemon has gone. I sit there 20 days after my cycle#1 and I can barely feel anything. That is remarkable. I get almost giddy at the thought. Oncologist (Dr K) also got excited. I can’t bloody wait now for my next ultrasound scan which I’ll have after cycle#2. I am scared it is still there, having a bloody good go at growing back the bastard.
So, today I raise a glass to the drugs that have invaded me with their powerful chemicals. They are clearly doing their job. It’s killing the fast growing cells in my body. Yes I am bald and felt like utter shit on some days.
But hair grows back. Mum’s don’t.
